pre-new year post

Every so often I get in the mood to refocus my life and "get busy" I guess that the difference this time is that I have actually done some of the things that I talked about doing. I did rejoin my health club and have actually worked out two days in a row which is more than I can say that I worked out in total this whole last year. I have been doing to much thinking and not enough doing this year, and I think that it has cost me much. I started back on a calendar or sort of to do list of things that helps me stay on the track of actually doing.
Here is a list of things that I thought about to much and did nothing about in the past year:
Working out
going to grad school
teaching a different something
cleaning the house
hanging out with friends

One thing that I was especially bad at was hanging out with friends. In a way I have avoided my friends this past year and may have even lost a few along the way. Anyone that knows me may think that this incredibly crazy, but I have been sort of in a haze for almost a year and half almost like a depression. I haven't felt like going anywhere or doing anything or hanging out with anyone, and I guess this includes taking care of myself. THere are many good reasons for not wanting to do the things I did not do, but now I am really suffering the consequences. Please forgive me anyone that reads this. The thing I fought most against before getting married happened. I have let other people take over my life and let myself be dragged along behind. It is not anyone's fault but my own, but now I want the control back. I guess somewhere down inside of me felt that I must be the dutiful wife and follow the husband, even though I of all people knew this was not true, but somewhere in there I gave up on who I am and not by husband's desire, but by my strength I created a cage. Luckily I still remember that I am a fun loving, traveling, shopping kind of girl who enjoys people, museums, musicals, and movies more than hanging around on the couch. Just to let you know THE REAL ME is back!

Note** Later I found out that my birth control was creating some of the depression.  So I got off it and my mood lightened significantly. I share this because I really felt like a bird in a cage that I had built and that cage was really caused by the type of birth control I was utilizing. I happy to share my story with you if you ever need me to

Getting Started

I am getting ready to begin a new year teaching. It is a little scary considering last year was not as I intended in any way. I have major plans this year and I have a new chance to start over and implement. In many ways I am a perfectionist about success. I guess I define success as a personal setting. When I feel good then things are successful, when I don't things are not successful. Although there may have been many successes last year, I was not in control of any of the successes which many be a good thing. I like to feel like I am in control. Maybe that is why I did not feel success. I feel like I am starting over with alot things in my life right now or maybe getting started with a few others.